Do Your Values Include You?

Learning that the same kindness I offer others belongs to me, too.

A  question stopped an entire room today.

Not because it was complicated.

Because it was personal.

During my CST Resilience & Self-Care group, I shared one of the most impactful lessons my therapist has ever given me.

She asked me:

"Think about your values...now think about the last time you intentionally applied them to yourself."

The room became very quiet.

Then someone softly said,

"Wow...I don't."

It was one of those moments that needed no further explanation.

We Know Our Values

Most of us can easily tell you what we value.

Kindness, compassion, integrity, patience, and authenticity are values many of us strive to live every day.

We offer them to our families, our friends, our neighbors, and sometimes even complete strangers.

But then comes the harder question.

Do our values include us?

That question has quietly changed my life.

Then Life Gave Me a Test

Ironically, before I even attended today's meeting, life gave me the opportunity to practice the lesson.

I woke up at 4:00 a.m. to discover our air conditioner had stopped working. Living in southern Arizona during the summer, that's never ideal. But because I'm still recovering from surgery, a serious infection, months of antibiotics, fatigue, and a body that no longer tolerates extreme heat very well, it wasn't just an inconvenience—it felt like a genuine health concern.

For the next four hours, I found myself on the phone advocating for myself.

There was a time in my life when I would have minimized my own needs.

I wouldn't have wanted to inconvenience anyone.

I might have quietly accepted the answer, even if it wasn't the right one.

Instead, I calmly explained why this situation mattered. I asked questions. I requested an escalation. I kept searching for a solution until one appeared.

The Real Lesson

Halfway through the day, it suddenly hit me.

I wasn't just trying to get my air conditioner fixed.

I was living my values.

I was treating myself with the same compassion and care that I would so naturally offer someone else.

That realization felt surprisingly emotional.

For much of my life, my values flowed outward.

I encouraged others to rest.

I reminded others to be kind to themselves.

I celebrated other people's courage.

I believed other people deserved grace.

Somewhere along the way, I forgot that I was included in those beliefs.

Self-Care Looks Different Now

Healing has a funny way of teaching us things we never expected to learn.

I'm discovering that self-care isn't always about bubble baths, spa days, or escaping life's challenges.

Sometimes self-care looks like advocating for yourself.

Setting healthy boundaries.

Taking the nap.

Saying no without guilt.

Resting because your body needs it.

Speaking up because your health matters.

Applying your own values...to yourself.

That question my therapist asked has become one I carry with me every day.

Not because I always get it right.

But because it reminds me that the relationship I have with myself deserves the same kindness I so freely give everyone else.

One Question

So today, I'd love to leave you with the same question that brought our group to silence.

What are your core values?

Now ask yourself something even more important.

When was the last time you intentionally offered those same values to yourself?

You may discover, as I did, that the person who most needs your compassion has been quietly waiting all along.

With gratitude,

Deb